THE KICK THAT WAKE ME UP

I was away from my blog for SO long and I wasn't going to stay long for this time too. Why? Just want to let myself recall 'this part' of my memory in the later time, I'm suffering for my undergraduate study.

Though I should not have this kind of pessimistic thought, just like what I advice people not to, but just that it sometimes pop out from my thought. Each and every week I'm feeling that my 7 days had shrink to 3 or 4 days short. In my first year first semester study, for the first time I have 6 subjects in a row with 3 out of this 6 subjects are killing. One of it is Academic Writing. If you are in this subject you will understand why you will lose the confidence to write in English again every time you get homework assignment or portfolio work with some lousy marks even that you think that you tried your best. While the rest no going smooth too. Some of my friends which know that my course is that busy and they question how we going to survive for the rest semester when we are already in that harsh situation even for the first semester in degree. I wonder too.

So far, I haven't touch on what I want to say yet. Everything is keeping me busy and towards the end of the semester, I am getting more restless and having less free time to do what I wished to do all day long. Every time I set my alarm nowadays before I sleep which would show me the countdown that how many hours left before the alarm would trigger often is just about 5 or 6 hours. I'm really getting sick of it. I started to lose my faith, started to struggle, trying to buy more time for study rather than chant for daimoku. I'm losing the feeling to do the other things other than revision, I'm growing to be a book worm! I know it shouldn't be in that way.

A kick that wake me. A kick that start my engine again. For others who don't know the importance of ko-sen-rufu, they might think why should I bother something that's not related to you or not benefiting your academic study, but to me, it is where I grow, where I gain and where I belong to. The culture group PICs meeting yesterday, whatever Corny Jie advice and encourage us, making me to gain the heat again to move on further. It's indeed a good start again.

I'll fight for everything in my full strength, I'll strive my very best for even a small matter with full force. I'll be better if I'm able to overcome this. I will...

Signing off...

Concern

I have not update my blog for quite a time. Although I promise myself to update it more frequent before this. Busy on study is drowning me as my sweet long holidays end. Though is not really sweet at the moment but I really kind of desiring for a true break while my home works are getting pile up just beside me. Well, what am I suppose to recount back of what had happened throughout the days which I did not mentioned over here, quite a lot happened everyday though, but the most recent one I would like to write in here.

It is just about yesterday, well, a friend of mine, a girl actually which is elder than me two years in age, (I mention this so that people don’t think of something else of our relationship instead of just a friend) where she got upset by her boyfriend if I’m not mistaken and cried. (Whatever made her depressed is not the matter over here, just letting the fact known that she’s deep in wound.) Although I was neither on the scene of what had happened, nor knowing what’s actually happened, I just felt like wanted to cheer her up instead of drilling to her wound asking what indeed got on her. Well, the thing is that I’m not really with her at the moment and I just get to chat with her through Facebook and got update and assure of what’s going by her friend through SMS. After all it was indeed a good medium for me to comfort her through word chatting rather than face to face talking as the fact that I’m not good in conveying what I truly meant in heart and mind than my words in written form and secondly is that perhaps you would not have the mood at all to speak up your mind while you are crying I reckon if you are.

For you information, I wasn’t good at comforting people at all, not even to concern about people because I’m truly lousy on socializing. Though the idea of persuading her, helping her to walk out of her sorrow on the most painful moment is sounded very odd to me but I just wanted to give a try as because I really wish to see her unhappy feelings no more. By chat, at first I just naively ask her not to feel sad, drop the word. I also advised her to talk to someone about it but she say she couldn’t find one and have no mood for it. There I realized that I should be the one to do something where at least she’s still willing to chat with me. Then I try to make up my mind, to do something instead of just some general comfort, some true ideas. Well, silly me even go and search through the web to find some cheer up phrases where later I find that it is too formal towards a friends. An idea flashed through my mind at the moment when I dropped the earlier, why don’t I just try some jokes to direct her attention instead? Then I start up with some jokes. Although I’m bad on jokes but I remember one which is latest by my friend. “A teacher asked her student what’s the meaning of ‘tenants’, the student answer her ‘Ten Ants’.” At least she answered a ‘haha’ in return which is a good sign. After some others jokes, finally I can sense some relieved of pain through her chat.

Well, writing all this is not about telling you the first experience of me to successfully comfort a girl or how good I am in jokes result in cheering up someone whose upsetting or whatsoever. The thing is that it concluded to me that everyone needs concern and encouragement of others at all time regardless it is from just a normal friend, families or relatives, teachers or whatsoever. We are human being, which is a kind of species preferring to stay in group rather than individually as proven through the history. We need each other to stay alive as well as survive this cruel and realistic world especially now. We should show at least a little bit of concern to anyone no matter it is something happy or the other way happen or happening to them, sharing their loads regardless of it is a load of happiness or a load of sorority. We must support each other, lending our hands, both of it, to anyone which hoping it just as we do when we are in depressed. Togetherness is the nature of us. Note this once and for the rest of your life.

Finally, I just hope that she would be fine.

Dozing off...
Dandy